It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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