the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't put those talents on a resume
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
