there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
