On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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