No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
then he tried to convert me to islam
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
