Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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