U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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