yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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