lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
