Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
