if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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