you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
