look no pants
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
