Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
