There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
