you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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