Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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