She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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