gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
