I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
