If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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