how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
