May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
