Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
