i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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