he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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