You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
