dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
this is an emotional support booty call
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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