the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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