Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize