A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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