I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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