Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
