Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
