yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
