you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
