So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
