he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
