What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
