We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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