Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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