ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
