I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
