I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My pussy is not your playground.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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