u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
