Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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