I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
