i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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