i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize