kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Farmville is her only friend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
