i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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