I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
