half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
