my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She's the barista slut.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
