Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
