So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
