Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
