You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
