I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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