Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
