i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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