He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
