had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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