i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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