I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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