We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
