Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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