Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
