a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
