Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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