meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
