so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
