I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think my nap took me to another dimension
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
