I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
