I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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