I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My vagina is very pro this idea
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
