The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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