You smell like stripper and shame
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
